Saturday, 26 February 2011



And a good Saturday evening to you from across the globe after another GREAT DAY in the Lion City. Fret not, as the normal Saturday recap will happen on schedule on Sunday morning. However, enough happened on Friday that I feel it was certainly deserving of its own blog.

So first off, in the event that none of the readership actually goes back to see the tea man pics posted, I thought I'd just drop 'em here. As you can see, the guy's walking around with a hybrid water spicket - BAZOOKA, and I'm just the jackass ang mo along for the ride. I mean, as we've always said, I'm here to show just how tolerant and sophisticated Americans are, one offended Asian at a time...

It should be noted that, whilst talking with one of my teammates (the "lovely and talented" Adeline Choo), I mentioned how excited I was that I finally got to see this EPIC tea pouring, so synonomous with Singaporean culture. The conversation went something like this:

Sammy the Ambassador (StA): "So I FINALLY got a chance to see the tea pouring. It was so neat. Do you see it a lot?"

Less than Impressed Adeline (LtIA): "Um, I've never seen that before in my life."

StA: "Really? I thought it happened all the time here."

LtIA: "Nope. Never once. Ever."

StA: "I read that it was a very big Singaporean tradition."

LtIA: "Singapore HAS NO TRADITIONS." CLASSIC...Dinger - tell me this wasn't another good "Four Leaf" moment...

Evelyn - I'm on to your broader "saboh" plan now - you bought me that book filled with lies about Singapore so that I'll make a fool of myself at each turn. This ang mo's onto you, young lady...I bet the whole "hotel below the Merlion story" was a lie as well...

Either way, here's the jellyfish photo as well (thanks again, Nancy!). Like I said, it's a colenerate (I'm sure I misspelled the hell out of that, but Mrs. Chance has simply GOTTA be proud that I even knew what it was), but it really has NOTHING ELSE IN COMMON with squid. Glad that one's checked off the list.

As to the week itself - Life is GREAT. This week was one of the busiest work weeks I've had in a long time, but selfishly I will confess that I'm REALLY proud of what we accomplished. We've got new members on the team who are rockstars, things are starting to stabilize, and I honestly feel like we're turning a corner. For the first time since coming here, I actually think (knock on wood) we're on the verge of getting "ahead" of stuff vs. reacting to it, and that's a good feeling. Plus, when you add in the best 5K time I've had in a long time and the fact that, for a chance, I got to hand out some good news (normally I'm just an executioner), I can safely say that the Bull couldn't have asked for anything more this week.

As for this next segment, I have no lie to tell - unless you are Hitman, Big Cat, Wild Card, MattPa, Shogun, the VFF, or Old School Cool, you probably won't find this a damn bit amusing. I, however, am STILL laughing. So at the bank, we've got this process where the laptops receive a technology package called a "T-band." Now I won't say any more - you either find this insanely funny or you don't (for example, I hope my parents are TOTALLY LOST RIGHT NOW). For those of you who appreciate, the conversation I had in the office:

Person #1: "Well, I gotta go home. It's time to get T-banded."

Mind in Gutter Sammy (MiGS): "I'm sorry, what?"

Person #1: "It's time for my T-band! I can't work when the T-band is scheduled."

Person #2: "I'm getting T-banded tonight as well!"

MiGS: (straight faced, to my credit) "So there's a lot of T-banding going on right now."

Person #3: "Oh yeah, the whole office is getting T-banded tonight. Didn't you get an email?"

MiGS: (thinking WHERE IS MATT MILLER WHEN YOU NEED HIM) "I've already been T-banded. It happened a long time ago. I'll just have to sit here and work."

It was just CLASSIC. Yazz and Sam (Stone, Private Eye) - PLEASE tell me you guys appreciate.

In the evening, after walking through THE HARDEST DOWNPOUR I'VE EVER SEEN, Jenny and I met up with some members of her soccer/football club. They rented space at a place called Le Carillon, and Jenny and I walked ALL of Robertson Quay (which is where we live, for the record), only to discover that the bar is ATTACHED TO OUR BUILDING. Seriously - we've simply GOT to invest in a map (but I can't part with that $3!!!).

I know we've mentioned the team, but you probably don't know much more. For example - the "club name?" The KANDY KICKERS UNITED FOOTBALL CLUB. OH YES, that's right - if that's not something out of a Blue Movie, then tell me what is...

And for the records, I had what I thought was a VERY funny line (even though it didn't draw a single giggle from the crowd...some people lack vision). So we're all sitting around, and I say to one of the other guys there, "So I guess we're the HABS, huh?" He looks at me as though I've just said, "Would you mind if I ripped out your right eyeball and used it as an olive in this martini?" So I explained further (the dude WAS BRITISH, for the record): "You know, instead of WAGS (American readers - this is a well known term in Britain for the "wives and girlfriends"), we're the HABs - husbands and boyfriends." STILL NOTHING. I inspect the crowd - SILENCE. Sammy then does what any sensible failed comic would do - goes to the bar and orders a $12 Heineken.

The only other story of the night was when Kathy (the Chinese gal beside Jenny in the photo) said, "Of all the places I want to visit in the states, I think New Orleans is #1." After I scolded her and told her why this was a bad idea she said, "Well, there is one place I want to see more. The DREAM city is (wait for it...wait for it...let me take a Prozac whilst I wait for it...) MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE." Honestly, I almost wet my pants.
So I explained why she'd most likely get stabbed, shot, or at the very least mugged in the worst city in Tennesee, but she just wasn't done. And when I mentioned that I liked Vegas, she said, "Oh, I see why you don't like Memphis. You're just superficial and shallow. You don't have any depth to
experience the emotion and culture of a place like Memphis." SOMEONE PLEASE SHOOT ME IN THE FACE WITH AN ELEPHANT GUN. TWICE.
By the end of the night, I was more than superficial - I was a superficial, shallow, gay redneck. And they STILL didn't laugh at any of my jokes. Yes - I would call it a successful evening.

Okay, that's all the news that's fit to print. Chat tomorrow!
Sam and Jenny (Master Striker for the KKUFC)


  1. Sammy - sorry the captions aren't working...betting you can google "how to put a caption under a blogger picture" and you'll get a winner...but that is just me. My original way of doing it was just to type the text on the line under the photo and then shrink the font and put it in italics...old school.

    I loved the HABS reference, got it right away...although I'm the perverted guy who would click the link on that said "10 hottest WAGS of 2010".

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  3. You got t-banded last night? - that's what she said