Sunday, 23 January 2011

A PERFECT First day as a couple in the Sing...

And a good evening to you from across the globe after a TRULY GREAT DAY in the Lion City. Team Taylor is back in action, and we started off our year in Singapore with a BANG. For starters, Team Taylor did what they do best (Just ask CP or Rice) - SLEPT IN UNTIL NOON. Actually, to be fair, Muffin woke up at 9:45 chipper as a bird, but Sammy the Bull was having NONE of that foolishness. However, we finally rolled out of bed about 12:30, got cleaned up, and went for a LATE lunch at...wait for it...wait for it...BREWERKZ, BABY!!!! Oh, yeah - who's excited about having a place serving $16 pints as their local? THIS GUY....
Actually, the good news is that, if you're there before 3 PM, pints are just $5. THAT, ladies and gentlemen, IS A STEAL IN THIS COUNTRY. We had a couple of burgers and a pint each before wandering down to Vivo city, where we got Muffin's Vietnam visa photos taken. We then rolled back to the casa, where we got changed and went to cross off something on the to-do list - a CHEAP MASSAGE.
Now as my entire UK project team (especially Lovely Lynda) will tell you, I'm not much of a planner or one to make reservations. Consequently it was no shock when I walked to the spa by our house and asked, "Are there free spots now?" only to have the receptionist say, "Um, no. We're booked until 9 PM." She politely handed me a card and recommended that I book in advance next time. Little does she know - that's NOT HOW I ROLL.
Instead, we wandered toward China town, stopping at this little nondescript "Thai massage house." Now, I know, I know...this SCREAMS "You want Happy Ending?" However, I can confirm that NONE OF THAT WENT DOWN.
We rocked up to the desk, and here's how the gal went down the menu:
1. "We have traditional Thai massage. Is VERY painful. Lots of cracking and pushing. No oil. I do not recommend." (translation - this will KILL your white ass - don't bother)
2. "We have traditional Thai massage with oil. Is less painful but still REALLY hurt. I think you no do." (translation - I don't want a lawsuit and you look like a sissy)
3. "Shiatsu - this is a lot of kneading and pressing. You will be VERY sore tomorrow." (translation - let's be real clear, I'm only going through this list because my boss is right here. We already know which one you're going to pick)
4. "Deep tissue - this is incredibly painful. Only if you really like pain." (does this really need translation?)
5. "Traditional oil - is very nice and comfortable. You will like. You do that." (Easy enough)
So I go into my "chamber," and there's nothing but a bed on the floor (muffin was on a table) and a sign which reads the following in HUGE print:
1. No sexual intercourse of any kind (exactly how many kinds are there?)
2. No oral sex
3. No masterbation
4. No touching of any private parts (private? Really? Are we in 4th grade?)
5. No nakedness or semi-nakedness (um, dude, they ask you to strip down. Ya gotta be flexible on this one)
I walk in, read the warning and wonder how many cameras are in this room and whether or not I'm on the set of "Hostel 2," and then the gal says, "Take off all clothes and put this on." She throws me a loin cloth (which I assume has been washed), and about 60 seconds later our gal walks in and says, "Lay down." Now granted, there was that moment where I thought, "This could get awkward." And when she straddled me about 10 seconds in, I thought, "Yep, it's officially awkward." However, 20 seconds later she was trying to rip my arms off, and I was no longer concerned about being propositioned. I was more concerned with staying alive.
All kidding aside, the massage was AWESOME. Seriously - I am loose as a goose right now. And best of all? One hour was THIRTY BUCKS. Seriously - that's cheaper than 2 pints of beer. I think I know my preferred relaxation method going forward.
We're now back at the flat, unpacking and watching the 2010 Asian games gold medal soccer match (UAE vs. Japan). Tomorrow it's back to work, so let's get after it!
And because I simply CANNOT BELIEVE I wasn't around for this picture, I just had to include it. Miller - how much did you charge to have your photo taken - a couple billion dollars?
Okay, that's all the news that's fit to print. Chat tomorrow!
Sam and Jenny

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