Sunday, 8 August 2010

A weekend with TOO many possible blog titles...


And a good evening to you from across the Pond after a simply REDONKULOUS AND FANTASTIC weekend in the Mother Country. How is it already Sunday night? I feel like I'm in a time warp. Then again, that might be the detox I'm in today. But I get ahead of myself (don't worry - I didn't leave Jenny to eat by herself with total strangers this go-around) - let's pick up with Saturday afternoon.

So first and foremost - HAIRLESS WONDER AND OLD SCHOOL COOL - I AM SORRY FOR THE IMAGES YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE. Please hide your families, as I wouldn't want them scarred for life at the picture you're about to see. I really don't know what else to do but say that I love you guys and promise you this only happened because MY WIFE SOLD ME OUT. That's right, folks - that's me writhing in agony as the material burns my skin. Why, you ask? BECAUSE I'M WEARING FILTHY YANKEES GEAR!!!! You see - my wife told Staci that I would be "totally fine" with that joke and wearing it around. Because I love her, I wore it. However, the layers of skin and blisters are still peeling, and the wounds are fresh...Staci - it should be noted that you have no idea how happy this image will make my buddy Rice.

All the same, I was comforted by an AMAZING lunch at Ozer. However, clearly Team Taylor has left their mark on that place, as THEY NO LONGER HAVE THE "PAY WHAT YOU THINK IT'S WORTH" breakfast. The coffee is no longer free either, for that matter. But hey, for 5 quid - I'm in for a full English.
After Ozer, we rolled down Regent to Piccadilly, where we hit the usual sites, including Big Ben. Seeing the GORGEOUS white, puffy clouds, Staci and Steve asked: "Should we do the Eye today?" And Sam Taylor, the virtual prophet and future Buddha, replied: "Of course you should. You'll get clouds, but it won't rain today."

Ten minutes later, we walk into the ticket office, they purchase their TIMED ENTRY tickets, and we walk out to gray clouds that would have made Moses worry. In fact, it started POURING just when they were supposed to queue. However, we confirmed we could "show up late," and we strolled Southbank for a bit, waiting for it to clear. En route, we found THE GREATEST street performer we've EVER seen. You give this guy a pound, and he poses you in some RIDICULOUS ways and holds the pose for AWHILE. Check out Steve and I layin' this guy out! Don't mess with this? I am Disco Redneck Anti-Jeter Thunder!!!

The weather did improve, and so they did the loop while Jenny and I wandered around. After their "flight," we walked through St. James Park, where we arrived at Buckingham Palace in time for THE STRONGEST RAIN STORM I HAVE SEEN IN OUR 2.5 YEARS IN THE UK. Seriously - this was a Hurricane. Picture the last scene in "Matrix: Revolutions" and triple it. WOW. And the best part? Sammy, in his infinite wisdom, did NOT bring his umbrella.

The result was Sam and Steve in the Glassblower (Old School - same one we took the Tavares clan too - they still love children) bathroom WITH NO SHIRTS ON wringing out the water over the sink. I laugh and say, "Dude, if someone walks in here right now, they are going to think Brokeback vacation." Steve laughs as well, and two seconds later a dude walks OUT of the stall who's been in there the whole time. CLASSIC.

Dinner that night was a GREAT Italian joint in St. Christopher's place, where we KILLED some pasta and 2 bottles of wine. We then crossed off a big to-do for us - St. Christopher's Cellar Bar at the Fract! It was AWESOME - we had the whole joint to ourselves, so we killed 2 bottles of Pig in a Poke - SO GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD. That would be red wine in case anyone's curious...

We then came home, killed ANOTHER bottle, and then got into the spirits. I went with just vodka and tonic, but Muffin thought it wise to try her special "peach soda" that's been sitting in the Fridge since about 1973. So imagine everyone's surprise when the wonderfully sweet and fresh peach soda curdled in the glass and settled at the bottom of the cup like cement (which is, incidentally, what it looked and tasted like). All the same, we played ONE ROUND OF SPADES for FOUR HOURS before finally wrappng up after 4 AM. Yeah...let's just say I now know that you always want to play your "little puppy paws" before your "shovels" in this game. Good times.

Today we woke up looking like ZOMBIES. However, we did rally to "tray uh bahrun." That's right - we had Byron Burgers! Hitman - you'll be happy to know that Perfect Pumpkin thinks Frankie's still reigns. I, however, remain firmly convinced that Byron is now the premier burger. I will say, however, that NO ONE can hang with the milkshake I got (Oreo). It was probably 5 gallons of ice cream with 9 bags of Oreo - and I ate EVERY SINGLE BIT OF IT. Oh, and did I mention that we got 2 orders of chips, 2 orders of mac n' cheese, and an order of onion rings to go with it? Two words: CHUUUUUUUUUUUBBY BUUUUUUUUUUUUNNY!!!!!!

After that, Staci and Steve rolled to the Tower of London whilst Muffin and I wandered around like the living dead. We ultimately ended up at the Tate Modern, where Jenny and I walked through the newest exhibits of utter DONKEY TRASH they had on display. And whilst there was some REAL crap this go-around, the two most BIZARRE items to note:

1. A photo of 3 different women, 1 hour, 1 day, and 1 week after giving birth - TOTALLY NAKED. Dude, I saw a LOT that I really, really just don't know how to process.

2. The "bird blood feather" woman from Haiti who filmed herself drinking and bathing in blood (naked, of course) before rolling around in sawdust and feathers until finally standing up to show that she had become a bird. I mean really? REALLY? SERENITY NOW!!!!
We then met back up with our compatriots and wandered through some of the Southbank highlights before popping into St. Pauls for a bit (during the final service of the day) and then wandering into Covent Garden. Once there, we had a drink (THE BEST Porterhouse Red in MONTHS) at the Porterhouse before hopping the Tube home. I will say that, for anyone else around on a Sunday, it's MUCH easier to get a seat in there AND they always do traditional Irish folk music - and it is QUALITY.
We ended up having dinner at "The George," where we ALL opted for salads - and they were all SO GUUUUUUUUUUUUUD. Throw in one last pint of Staropramen, warm goat's cheese, and a playlist that included "War," "Return of the Mack," and "We don't have to take our clothes off," and you have a FANTASTIC end to the weekend.
And so here we are back at the flat, EXHAUSTED, stuffed, bloated, swollen, and quite possibly still drunk, trying to figure out a) how we'll fare at work tomorrow and b) how Staci and Steve are going to catch that 8:55 AM train to Paris. Ladies and gentlemen - I am NOT 20 anymore...

It was SO MUCH FUN this weekend. And even if I can't say that my batteries are recharged, I have NO COMPLAINTS. S & S - safe travels in the City of Lights. Enjoy the light cheese and live snails!

Okay, that's all the news that's fit to print. Chat tomorrow!

Sam and Jenny

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